I'm Not the Girl I Used To Be

 

I have become keenly aware of the ways women interact with and judge one another on social media. It's made me think about what I say to and about other women. Ladies, women in this country have had a hard-fought struggle to be taken seriously and created as equals to men in both the business and social arenas. What spurred me to write this editorial--I see it as more than a blog posting--were the Facebook posts about the upcoming Chicks (formerly Dixie Chicks) tour. It's been a while, and those three women have changed and matured. But both men and women have been brutal in their judgements of Natalie Maines because she has clearly put on a little weight. Most women, at least those I know, put on weight as we age. It is, for many, a part of growing into becoming a mature woman. There's a lot of science behind why this happens, and I'm not going into all that. Look it up.

I have a few thoughts on this. One is that social media has opened a door for people to say anything about anyone at any time. It provides the illusion of a safe distance, though many people show their true identity on social media. Many are also showing their true nasty sides. It started with politics. I'm not going there, just saying I think that opened a door for people. Now it's often a free for all pile on and attack. It's sad to see people devolve into this behavior. It's really sad to me to see women behave this way toward other women. We're all in the same struggle, girls.

I'm seventy-six now. Something I cannot wrap my head around. I'm not the girl I used to be. She was thin and shy and mostly carefree. I'm no longer so thin, thankfully not so shy, and possibly even more carefree. I no longer worry about pleasing other people or making a good impression. The gift of growing older is that we have the opportunity to become the woman we're meant to be. If we're lucky, we live long enough to grow into that woman. And sometimes that woman comes with not just changes of perspective and understanding, but with physical changes. Some have had health issues that changed their bodies. Some struggle with weight--one way or the other. None of us women are the girls we used to be. At least, I hope not. 

But I'm seeing the 'mean girls' pop up in Facebook comments all the time. There is a viciousness to their comments about other women's appearance. This is high school mean girl crap all over again. So I assume some of those women are still the girls they used to be, and they weren't that pretty inside to start with. It's sad, really.

As for the juvenile comments made by men, I can only assume they are either ignorant, insecure, and/or lonely. Guys, this isn't how you make yourself look attractive to women--by tearing down another woman. You're clearly stuck in your own high school mentality.

I don't know Natalie Maines personally. What I know of her is that she is a bright, talented, and outspoken woman. She's probably secure enough and too polite to bother telling you self-appointed judges to shove it. I'm not that polite. But I did learn one thing during my time living in the south. I learned to say, "Bless your heart." And if you think that's a blessing, you're dumber than I thought.

Now, stop acting like ten-year-olds on the playground. Grow up and focus on something truly important. Maybe consider for a moment that someone else might be judging you at this very moment. Because, trust me, you are not immune and off limits.

I'm not the girl I used to be, but I'm really happy with the woman I've become.